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  • Dr. Lauren D. Costine

5 Tips You Need to Know for Healthy Lesbian Dating

5 Tips You Need to Know for Healthy Lesbian Dating

So you met someone you are really interested in. And they seem to be showing similar interest back. What do you do next? Whether you are the one who does the initial asking or not --- following these 5 basic tips for healthy lesbian dating will make your chances of creating a healthy relationship a reality:

1. Go on a myriad of dates in the beginning. Choose ideas that give you a chance to talk. Here are some ideas.

  • Coffee or lunch

  • Casual dinners

  • Outdoor activities

  • Cultural events

Go to places you can talk and get to know each other. Don’t mix too much alcohol – it will cloud your judgment. Find things you both like to do and take turns planning what they’ll be. There is no need for one person to take the lead.

2. Talk consciously about money early on- there are a number of options you can take – a few entail switching who pays to every other date or if you would like to keep your finances more separate – split the expenses evenly. Whatever method you prefer try and find a time to discuss it early in the dating process and it does not need to be a heavy conversation but saying it out loud will go a long way.

3. Take your time getting to know each other. There is no rush and it takes a while to really get to know someone. Us lesbians are notorious for getting involved too quickly when it feels so good. Dating isn't a race and attraction chemicals can trick us into thinking we know someone better than we do. Don’t mix too much alcohol – having a glass of wine to lighten the mood is ok, but if you throw back more than a few cocktails, you may end up making some decisions you'll regret in the morning. Keep your head in the game so you can really get to know this new person in your life.

4. This includes getting physical too. It is so easy to make love or have sex right away when the chemistry is hot -- hot -- hot! But remember just because we can jump into bed since society places no restrictions on us (thankfully!) the consequences can be harsh. Powerful hormones will be emitted and you’ll attach even more to someone you barely know which can make it harder to separate if you find out later you are not a good match. A little discipline will go a long way. Minimum wait is 30 days! You can do it.

5. Live your life - It is beyond exciting to feel over the moon about another woman but take care of yourself and don’t get lost. Dating and relationships are an important part of one’s life but if they become your whole life this could be the sign of a problem. Stay connected to your friends, stay focused on your job or career, engage in your hobbies and if this relationship becomes more serious over time – keep all of tip five in mind once you are in the relationship- it will keep you, your new loved one and this relationship much more healthy.

By Dr. Lauren Costine


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