• Dr. Lauren D. Costine

Lesbian Relationship Help On the Topic of Social Drinking


Lesbian Relationship Help On the Topic of Social Drinking Why are drugs and alcohol an issue in the lesbian community and how do they affect our relationships?

Is this scenario familiar to you? Two to three times a week you attend a lesbian event. It’s a friend’s birthday, a group wants to get together for the holidays, and a friend of a friend is hosting a football party at their house. You are invited to attend a Lesbian softball game, a group of friends plan to meet at a bar. You can stay out as late as you want because your cat really doesn’t mind and you don’t have any children. What do all of these events have in common– you got it – alcohol.

For many lesbian women, our community becomes a replacement for a close-knit nuclear family and the gay scene becomes a major focal point of our lives. Along with this community comes countless activities that include drinking as a normal part of the mix. People are social by nature and the need to fit in or be part of a group is a common theme for many. For lesbians who don’t have children, or close families, creating a community is important not just in our 20’s but can go well into our 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and on!

For many LGBT people, trauma develops early on in life from being brought up in a straight dominated society. Before LGBTQ people come out, most struggle with the guilt and shame of being different, and if their families are religious, forget about it! The internalized phobias wreak havoc on the psyche, and to survive this internal battle, many lesbians find alcohol pushes away the pain while, at the same time, lighting up our pleasure centers! Very hard to resist. For those who started using in adolescence and are predisposed to addictive behaviors, this coping mechanism can become deeply ingrained. Socializing can also be anxiety producing – which alcohol and drugs alleviate – thus solidifying a habit that is very hard to shake and increasing one’s chances of becoming dependent! Seeking out a community that centers on drinking activities becomes a natural, social evolution. But we all know overindulging in these kinds of chemicals can affect your love relationships, your work and your health. It hinders one’s potential. Alcohol and drugs also impair judgment. Therefore, couples are more likely to fight while under the influence and say things they later regret. This increases tension and impairs the makeup process because it is harder to repair these types of fights when resentments are blurted out in hurtful and unproductive ways. How many times have you said something you regret after having a few too many cocktails? Thankfully there is lesbian relationship help.

So what is the solution?

There is nothing wrong with having a drink or two every so often. If you find you are surrounded by a group of friends that takes indulging to the next level, try to pursue some other interests. Join a hiking group, date women who don’t have a strong attachment to drinking, take a cooking class or another class of interest where you can meet some new people. Pursue areas in your life that are meaningful to you – where you are more likely to meet women who have similar interests. Like anything, the first step is awareness. If you think drugs or alcohol are interfering with your life and your ability to have a healthy lesbian relationship visit the gay and lesbian center online in your local community, find a therapist who is lesbian-affirmative and search for drug and alcohol related support groups. There are lots of ways to find fun lesbian communities!

by Dr. Lauren Costine



UPCOMING EVENTS You can see Dr. Lauren Costine this January at her book signing event at Book Soup where she will be signing copies of her newly released book Lesbian Love Addiction, Understanding the Urge to Merge and How to Heal When Things go Wrong.

To get a free sneak peek of Dr. Costine's new book click the button below. DOWNLOAD MY SNEAK PEEK